Psychologist Robyn Salisbury helps a reader with a relationship dilemma. QUESTION: I am a 31-year-old female seeking a serious, loving relationship. Several times now, I thought I had found it, but then start to doubt this is the right man for me. Once, I even sabotaged what could have been precious by openly having sex with someone else. At first, I felt only relief and the sex was great, but, already by the next day, I was devastated at what I had lost and really angry at myself. Do I sound as screwed up as I feel? How do I turn a lover into a stable partner? And how do I keep getting exciting sex? READ MORE:My husband thinks arousal is like flicking a switchCan erotic fantasy be a shared activity?Dear Mrs Salisbury: How can I get my libido back? ANSWER: Focus on transforming yourself, not a lover. That’s where your power lies. There are numerous important life skills involved in building an ongoing, intimate relationship. It sounds like you know how to have enjoyable sex and that you have the courage to initiate possibilities. These are definite strengths. You may need to work on your emotional awareness and self-regulation…. Read full this story
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